Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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