The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
