This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
