One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
