I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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