Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
