so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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