OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
