I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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