Your mouth is God's brothel.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
