Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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