guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
