i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
