i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize