Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
