It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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