Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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