you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to make out with him forever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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