Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
