I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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