i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
