The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
