You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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