And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
