How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
