I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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