I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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