Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
