i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
God, I missed his penis.
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