But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
