he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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