i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
