No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
