my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
