I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
