that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We left the knife in your bed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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