I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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