my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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