You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
