And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
