she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What a dumb baby whore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
