Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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