So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
