walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
