Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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