Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
