Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i think i just lost a toe
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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