I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
