Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
