Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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