yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
