So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
