I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
