Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
