My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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