Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
