you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
