we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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