I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
