i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
