I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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