I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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