Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
