i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Mom said you looked used
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
