awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
