I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
