i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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