She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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