oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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