Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
