I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
