I could make wine with my vomit
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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