do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
