why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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