Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize