Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
