gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
