And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
