Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize