his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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