Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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