I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize